Tuco's Survival Guide for Space Cowboys

As narrated by Tuco Sentenza
Kyodai Ryu Publishing, 2150

Alright ya dirty rats, listen up. Pay attention if ya wanna be rich and famous like me! Now y'all might think yer hot crap coming from that rusty space cylinder or moisture farm you were spawned on, but here on the frontier, you don't know nothing! You ain't seen a man scalped for the heck of it!

All I need is another FOB waving around a hand cannon thinking he's Hammer McQuaid! ‘Fore you know it, that young buck'll be some loco fair-haired gringo's girlfriend, or meal. Or worse. So listen up, and ya just might make it through the week! I'm getting paid anyways, so whatever.

The Law

Now, sum y'all might think it a bit voodoo to have an entry on the Law, given that this place is called "Wild Space" and all, but, believe you me, you don't have to spend a night in some stinking New Tijuana jail cell to know that cops still exist. It's true that the big governments are at home, picking their noses and slapping themselves on the back, but most settlements on the frontier of any size have got at least a county sheriff.

On some worlds, the "law" are meaner varmits than any bandidos you might meet. Sheeh, give a puto a badge and he thinks he's god. Some sheriffs actually are bandidos, the biggest, toughest around that terrorized the indigs into giving him a tin star. Aye carumba!
 

Rides

Whether on four legs or four wheels or anything in between, every Space Cowboy needs a ride. Or, at least, access to a ride. You don't wanna walk across the desert on foot with three suns bearing down on you!

Exactly what you need'll depend on the job and your cred balance. If you got a wheelman, he can handle getting a drive, but make sure at least one other person can drive/ride/fly in case he happens to get a few extra holes to the head!

The thing about rides is, metal or meat, you take care of them, and they'll take care of you. Back in '39, I used to have this Dragon GT400. Sweet ride. Almost as sweet as my lady friend at the time. Or, one of them anyway. Still, my personal favorite for a job is a police SUV. Sturdy, good torque and handling. Decent top speed. Funny thing is, though, that cops tend to get upset when you drive around in one.
 

Steel

Out in Wild Space, guns are like O2. If you don't got any, get in line for a ticket with the Boatman. Even you console cowboys and chip jockeys need to pack some heat! At least a stand off weapon, so if some puto sticks his nose where it don't belong, you can blow it off!

Now before you loco peaceniks start chewing my head off again about how "Guns kill people!?!" let me say that guns don't kill people, people kill people. Usually with guns. Um....

Anyways, now sum of y'all got some strange ideas, probably from reading too much Body Count or Guns n' More Guns or sumthin'. It ain't like in the trids. Ya don't have to be a one-man regiment! It ain't how much heat ya pack, but how suitable it is fer the job and how ya use it.
 

Teamwork

Personally, I never been a big one fer working with others. Shoot, seems like half the time, I'm trying to kill them, and the other half, they're trying to kill me! Still, the editor sez I gots to put somethin' in here, so here goes.

Teamwork... If yer gonna spend all the M-Creds from a job on dust and joygirls, tell the rest of the team BEFORE, not after? Hows about... if someone's having trouble dealing with accidentally blowing up their partner during a job, don't tell ‘em they probably need to up their meds?

Man, I got nothin'.